Anyone can make a gin and tonic; the recipe is in the title. Add gin to tonic and Roberts your mother brother, right? Wrong? Making a good Gin and Tonic is not an accident. It’s alchemy. Like a good cup of tea you can’t just throw the ingredients together and hope for the best, its not soup. There are rules, a ritual, and order. We’re Englishmen after all.

A good Gin and a decent brand Tonic are essential, but I know needs must when the devil pisses in the tea-pot. So the general rule of thumb is using an average Gin with a good tonic OR an average tonic with a good Gin. Notice that I never said Bad gin or Bad tonic. If you can still find a tonic made with a decent amount of Quinine and not too sweetened that is a good one – after all malaria still exists and a gentleman still has to be ready.

Take a glass full of ice, again notice the word “glass” and the word “full”. Frankly if you think drinking out of a plastic cup is not abhorrent, give in now and go drink Stella until your sick on your best mate. And then you fight him. “Full of ice” means that the ice will not melt and dilute the drink, I know this seems counter-intuitive, but the more ice means the lower ambient temperature which means a slower rate of melting. See? A Gin and Tonic is where science meets magic.

Ice will always go in first. Add ice to gin and you will change the taste significantly. Even the lowest Wetherspoons Sud-Slingers is taught this as when your average know nothing drinker is faced with a drink that is different to there last fourteen they will take it back.

Fruit is added next, Lemon or Lime, this part of the process is up to your taste. But, again there some rules. Never squeeze the fruit into the gin, although you may wipe rim of the glass with it, briefly. Alternatively roll the fruit firmly against the chopping board before chopping; this will make the fruit give more of a taste when added. The spiraled zest is also a good option for those of a subtle palette and sophisticated aesthetic.

Gin is added, never too much 150ml maximum, remember if your drinking just to get pissed, drink flat lager until you put on some union jack shorts and throw a deckchair through a window because some looked diagonal at your over made-up girlfriend.

Then add Tonic to taste, it’s worth mentioning that Bitter Lemon is also acceptable and some times preferable depend on taste, but Lemon should never be added to Bitter Lemon only lime.

It’s important to say, I feel, that I am not drinks Nazi telling people what and how to drink. It’s just some things are important, and if you do want to drink a tall Gin and Tonic, why not do it properly?

Anymore tips, hints or absolute decrees can be added via the comments section. Thank you for your time.